Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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