hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
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She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
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I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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