they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
