i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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