I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
