omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
