I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
