Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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