I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
