I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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