Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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