The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.