i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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