Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
