sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize