Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
