Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
