I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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