Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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