Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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