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I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize