I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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