just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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