Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
