I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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