You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
