oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
