She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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