You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
