Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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