I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We don't watch enough power rangers
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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