you will always have a special place in my vag
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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