Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
