I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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