im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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