I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
