please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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