My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
your room smells of hookers.
And success
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
