I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
