Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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