come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
