Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
