Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
