Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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