This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
