So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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