I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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