I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
