I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My cat gives me a boner
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
