Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
