i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
