In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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