You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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