eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
