I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
