hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
