whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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