i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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