Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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