Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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