I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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