Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
