Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
