How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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