Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
