My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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