she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
