like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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